Have you bought a ticket lately?

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in Happiness,Money,Personal Growth

Do you remember the last time you bought a ticket?

Perhaps it was an airline ticket. Or a movie ticket. Or a raffle ticket.

Buying a ticket promises you an experience that you otherwise might not be able to obtain.

Perhaps an experience that is necessary. Or one that is merely desired. Or one that is completely unknown.

The ticket is the price of admission to the experience you want.

Have you ever had a great idea and wondered how to get started? How you would connect with the amazing people who are doing just the thing you want to do? How you would learn everything you need to know?

Puzzled over how some people seem to have such a range of interesting networks and resources? Wondered how they managed to cross paths with these people and how you could too?

I’m going to let you in on a little secret that people don’t ever talk about because it sounds kind of tacky. 

The easiest way to make connections, join groups, or learn something new is to buy your way in.

You must buy a ticket to the experience you wish to have.

I know what you are thinking. Buying your way in sounds really, really yucky. Like you are doing something unsavory or unseemly.

But it’s not.

Buying occurs in many forms – not just with money but with investments of time and talent.

As a realtor, I volunteered countless hours helping a college build and sell houses. The proceeds of the sale were used to fund student scholarships. It was an incredible learning experience for me and it was extremely rewarding to know that my efforts would help support those less fortunate. The best part? I met so many people that I otherwise wouldn’t have met who are still part of my life and my resource network twelve years later.

The price of admission? My time and talent.

The exposure to new people and ideas? Invaluable.

When I was stuck with one of my business ideas, I signed up for a program where I could bounce my ideas off of a diverse group of women. Even though it was incredibly inconvenient for me to carve out the time to drive out of town to attend this program, it turned out to be a good investment. Not only was the process helpful, but I met some amazing women who I otherwise would not have met, including the fabulous Ronna Detrick (who turned out to live in my home town).

The price of admission? A bit of time and money.

The exposure to new people and ideas? Invaluable.

Connecting with people, organizations, and initiatives you admire or want to know more about is the key to keeping your possibilities flowing.

Buy the ticket, take the ride. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

Invest in yourself.

What experience do you need or want to have? Can you buy a ticket today?

{ 2 comments }

How to Avoid Couch-Craziness

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in Personal Growth

This is the story of a couch.

Or, rather, my obsession with finding the right couch.

For the past few months, since moving to a new home, I have been sitting on my garden furniture.

As part of the move, I got rid of everything that no longer worked for me or that I simply didn’t like – and that included my couch. Being the creative person I am, I enlisted the help of my garden furniture as a temporary solution.

The arrangement worked quite well until I noticed the garden furniture wasn’t really that comfortable for long periods of time and that it looked kind of wacky in the living room. Like I was living in a dorm room.

That’s when I decided I really did need a couch.

That’s also when I noticed that the front door and the foyer seemed really, really small.

Enter my obsession.

I measured. I re-measured. I worried. I searched for small couches with the right look. I worried that even the smallest couch might not fit through the door. I consulted neighbors and got their opinion. I searched for couch-moving tips on the web. I worried some more.

I was making myself couch-crazy.

Until I realized that the worst thing that could happen if the couch didn’t fit is that I’d have to send it back or donate it to a good cause.

That’s all I needed to know in order to give myself permission to make a decision.

I now have a couch. It did fit through the door – barely – but it made it. And it is way more comfortable than the garden furniture.

Sitting on my new couch, I realized that I had wasted weeks of potential comfort by spinning on my worries and being afraid of not having all the answers.

My worries kept me stuck.

My willingness to make a mistake brought me what I wanted.

What’s keeping you stuck?

What do you need to know in order to make a decision that’s troubling you?

Stop for a moment, consider the worst-case scenario, and decide if you can live with that result. Most likely the result you come up with is something that won’t kill you. It might make you uncomfortable or be entirely inconvenient but you’ve been there before, right?

Then give yourself permission to move forward knowing that mistakes might happen but you will be OK regardless of the outcome.

Stop the couch-craziness.

What’s been making you crazy lately?

{ 6 comments }

Wired for Possibility

4 comments

in Personal Growth

I often run into people who cannot understand why I no longer choose to practice law.

After all, the practice of law can be a very lucrative profession and most people have a lot of respect for the education it takes to become a lawyer (even if they don’t like lawyers and crack endless lawyer jokes.)

So why did I decide I didn’t want to practice law?

Quite simply, I discovered that despite getting a fabulous education in critical thinking, I had trained my brain to look for the negative.

And I didn’t like it.

I would find myself at a restaurant and wonder if the owners had good liability insurance because the way they had the doormat positioned just might cause someone to trip. Or, I’d wonder whether the hot coffee I had just been served could scald my skin. And on and on.

Thinking negatively or worrying about potentially bad outcomes was sapping the joy in my life. I couldn’t see good possibilities because I was constantly focusing on the worst-case scenario.

I was in a thinking rut.

In the The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work, Shawn Achor talks about the thinking “ruts” that can occur in any profession:

Over the years, I’ve talked with many lawyers who sheepishly admitted that they had a habit of “deposing” their children when they got home from work …. Others have said they find themselves involuntarily thinking about quality time with their spouses in terms of quantified, billable hours…. Like the fault-finding accountants, their brains get stuck in a pattern. And so it goes, in any profession or line of work. No one is immune. Athletes can’t stop competing with their friends or families. Social workers who deal with domestic abuse can’t stop distrusting men. Financial traders can’t stop assessing the risk inherent in everything they do. Managers can’t stop micromananaging their children’s lives.

It is so easy to get stuck in a thinking pattern; especially, if we are giving something our full attention – like a career, a project, or an idea. Our singular focus might blind us to other possibilities or ways of doing things. And, because we are so focused, we might not even realize we are doing it. Quietly and stealthily, our thinking becomes limited and we wake up to find ourselves in a rut.

So how do you change your thinking patterns and increase your capacity for seeing  good possibilities?

In my case, I dealt with my thinking “rut” by leaving the practice of law. That decision, of course, put me on a journey to the most interesting places – where I sampled a number of different careers, had to find the positive, and was introduced to possibility.

According to Achor, there may just be an easier way to deal with stuck thinking patterns.

Achor recommends making it a daily habit to scan your environment for good things and writing it down – either in journal form or creating a list of three good things that happened to you each day.

By forcing your brain to scan for good things – i.e., seeing the possibilities – patterns of thinking change.

You rewire your brain by making it a habit to look for good things.

If you are wondering it this really works, I can tell you it does. It’s exactly how I started transforming my own thinking. I happened to use a gratitude journal and wrote down three to five things that I was grateful for every day. At first it felt kind of silly. I would just write down the good things I had noticed that day, no matter how mundane:  flannel sheets, fine wine, a stranger at the grocery store complimenting my outrageous vintage coat.

Gradually, my focus switched from wondering to whether someone was going to trip on the doormat to noticing the beautiful texture of the doormat and wondering how such products got made. Wondering about how such products got made, got me thinking about other products. Thinking about other products made me wonder how I would get one of my own made.

And so it goes.

Noticing good things leads to seeing more good things.

Seeing more good things leads to a multitude of good things.

Focusing on the good isn’t just about overcoming our inner grump to see the glass half full. It’s about opening our minds to the ideas and opportunities that will help us be more productive, effective, and successful at work and in life. The possibilities … are there for everyone to see. Will you look right past them, or will you train your brain to see more? ~ Shawn Achor

Even if you think you are happy with your thinking patterns and your ability to spot possibilities, it doesn’t hurt to check your wiring periodically. Taking the time to notice how you engage with the world, where your focus lands, and what you take away from your interactions, can be eye-opening. And, it certainly doesn’t hurt to fill your well of inner inspiration with a world of good things.

Have you gotten into a thinking rut or are you wired for possibility?

Check your pattern.

********************

P.S.  Have you subscribed to the blog yet? The December newsletter is right around the corner and you don’t want to miss out! Subscribe.

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{ 4 comments }

Meeting Risk Smartly

3 comments

in Personal Growth

Walking along the beach this past weekend, I came across two weathered logs the sea had casually tossed ashore. The gnarled and weathered root balls of these once mighty trees faced each other and conspired to create the most graceful of passageways.

Unable to resist, I walked to the center of the passageway and stood on the threshold.

I felt their beauty beckoning me to pass between them to the other side. I heard them calling me to step from the solid sand into the waves. I experienced the promise of exhilaration that comes from doing anything slightly unfamiliar.

But I didn’t move.

I didn’t want to risk getting my feet wet.

So I stayed in the middle space.

It struck me, as I stood there, that I had felt this way standing on many thresholds throughout my life. Pondering what direction to go. Feeling the draw of what was calling to me yet unwilling to face a particular, perceived risk.

Instead of choosing a direction, I stayed in that excruciating middle space, see-sawing between fear and longing.

And of the two, the fear was usually stronger than the longing and kept me rooted in place.  Fear of the consequences. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown.

Fear persisted until I came to terms with the risks.

Risk is whatever scares you. It is the threshold we are required to cross before we can lean down to our passions lying dormant and kiss them awake. The double entrendre of threshold is fitting. A threshold is a place of passage, a portal through which we must pass from here to there and from known to unknown. But it also means a measure of endurance. If we can increase our threshold for crossing thresholds, the we can transcend some of the limits of life, and we can change our lives in the most prodigious ways. ~ Gregg Levoy Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life

Coming to terms with risk is not as difficult as it sounds, but, when we are wrapped up in our own spin-cycles, it can seem daunting. The fear may feel so overwhelming that we think the only way to overcome it is through drastic action like jumping out of an airplane or quitting our jobs without a back up plan.

But, it is really much simpler than that.

Our tolerance for taking risks can be built by taking the right actions.

Engaging with risk requires a good degree self-knowledge and a little practice. To meet risk in a healthy way, try the following:

Identify what worries you or scares you about a particular decision or opportunity. Write down all of your concerns so that you can actually see them on paper instead of having them chase themselves in your head.

Determine if you can respond to your concerns. For example, is it really possible to know whether they will like your work if you take the new job? Probably not. However, you probably can answer whether you would have enough money to live on if you got fired.

Deal with the unknowns. The scariest thing about taking risks is the unknown- so deal with it by playing the “what if” game. What if I fail? What if I get fired? What if I get divorced? What if??? Most of the time, our concerns our unfounded but asking the “what if” question will help you suss that out.

Figure out what truly matters to you. We make decisions based on what we value the most. Do you know what you value? Security? Flexibility? Time with family? Make a list of everything you value. Look at the decisions you have made in the past and determine what values they were based on. Hone in on the decisions that turned out well for you – they hold clues about your primary values (or the ones that you most often operate by). Is the risk you are considering in alignment with those values?

Enlist a good listener. Talking about risks we are considering is usually helpful but that’s not why I am recommending it. Find someone you trust and ask them to just listen to you talk. The listener should pay attention to your voice and body as you talk about the risk you are considering. Is your voice animated and happy? Are your arms crossed? Are you frowning? Our voices and bodies tend to give us clues about what’s really important to us.

Once you have gathered this information, you will know yourself in deeper way – a way that gives meaning and perspective to your decisions.

You won’t be so afraid.

You’ll be able to risk wisely.

You’ll be able to cross thresholds of your choosing.

And you won’t mind getting your feet wet.

How do you feel about taking risks? Have you ever missed an opportunity because you were afraid?

***************

Want to risk wisely? Consider working with me.

{ 3 comments }

Being Me … The Details

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in Personal Growth

It’s not often that I get asked to talk about my hang-ups and stumbling blocks but when the lovely Jackie Walker approached me with some tantalizing questions, how could I refuse?

Jackie helps people navigate their relationships – including those with themselves – and she does it with down-to-earth grace, humor, and insight. She’s launched a new series of interviews called “Being Me” where she asks her interviewees to consider aspects of themselves that they love, don’t really like, and may still be working on.

Jackie’s questions turned out to be a particularly enlightening exercise for me. When you have to put things about yourself into words, your thoughts and perspectives suddenly become clear. Very interesting indeed.

You may want to answer these questions yourself. The details you discover may surprise you!

Swing by Jackie’s and find out what I had to say.

***************

P.S. Want to interview me or have me do a guest post for your blog? Just ask! Send me note at andrea@amultitudeofthings.com.

P.P.S. Interested in moving past your hang ups and stumbling blocks to see your possibilities become probabilities? Make it happen here.

{ 0 comments }

Help Wanted: Personal Creativity Required

4 comments

in Creativity,Happiness,Personal Growth

In 1926, a twenty-something Marion Milner began an experiment in self-discovery. She didn’t know what she liked or why or what made her really happy. So she set out to find out – by asking questions, taking action, and recording her discoveries.

Her discoveries later became a book entitled, A Life of One’s Own.

Describing her experiment, Marion wrote:

The need for such a method in these days is obvious, a method for discovering one’s true likes and dislikes, for finding and setting up a standard of values that is truly one’s own and not a borrowed mass-produced ideal.  …[L]et no one think it is an easy way because it is concerned with moments of happiness rather than with stern duty or high moral endeavor. For what is really easy, as I found, is to blind one’s eyes to what one really likes, to drift into accepting one’s wants ready-made from other people, and to evade the continual day-to-day sifting of values.

In essence, Marion made it her job to explore her possibilities – the nuances of herself that were hidden or shoved aside in favor of following convention.

Reading of Marion’s experiment that took place some 85 years ago, I am struck by its relevance today.

Many of us, especially as we have gotten older and buried under seemingly endless obligations – the kids, the jobs, the mortgages, the relationships – have forgotten what matters to us anymore. What we like. What we’d like to do if we had the time. What we’d like to try.  What our possibilities are.

Others of us haven’t forgotten. In fact, we’ve got so many possibilities we don’t know where to start. We often end up not starting because some part of us thinks that such things just aren’t done. Or aren’t important. Or are flaky.

In either case, Marion’s experiment makes tremendous sense – even more so today, than it did 85 years ago.

Our most important job should be exploring our possibilities.

Why?

Because the world we used to know – that of widget producing greatness, where we all went to school to learn to be good employees – is rapidly disappearing if not gone already.

That world merely required us to show up and do our 9-5 best and, if we did so, we would be rewarded with steady employment for 30 years, a house that was paid off, and a reasonable retirement in which we played golf or cards until we arrived at our final resting place.

Most of us adopted these “mass-produced” ideals as our own – ideals that are rapidly disintegrating in the wake of economic upset and the birth of new way of doing things. Simply put, the world is headed in a new direction.

What will this new world require?

I don’t know for sure but it seems to me that it will require some modicum of personal creativity.

The kind of creativity that results from a deep knowing of who we are and what we want to contribute, from being able to build lives and livelihoods in varied ways, from having the ability to respond quickly and flexibly to changes and opportunities, and, from being interested in life-long learning and making contributions no matter how old we are.

The only way we will achieve this personal creativity is to actively embrace our possibilities – to identify them, seek them out, and act on them.

We do not need to become experts in all of our possibilities. The real value comes from the exploration itself which opens the door to new ways of thinking and being. The discoveries we make on the journey help remind us that we are rich, multidimensional beings and that we can thrive in any situation by tapping into those different parts of ourselves, as long as we know what they are.

I’m not saying this is easy. Forging a new path isn’t easy. Being different isn’t easy. Thinking creatively isn’t easy.

It can be insanely difficult at times.

But even harder, I think, is continuing to try to hang on to an old way of doing things when the world is going in a new direction.

What do you think?

*****************

Does embracing your possibilities seem hard or risky? I’d love to help. Find out how we might be able to work together by clicking here.

{ 4 comments }

The Pathway to What You Most Desire

2 comments

in Happiness,Personal Growth

The world does not revolve around you.

You’ve heard those words, right?

From parents, teachers, and loved ones. When you couldn’t get people to do what you wanted. When you thought everyone should be aware of what was important to you. When you had a blemish the size of Texas on your face that you thought everyone was sure to notice.

Harsh and disappointing words to be sure.

But hang with me for a moment. I want to remind you of these words for a different reason.

Indeed, the “world” does not revolve around you. The world doesn’t know what you need, what you cry for, what you long for, and what you most desire. The world will not intuit your needs and longings.

The world:  your friends, your family, your circles of influence, your hoped for clients and customers. The world does not know what you are up to or what really matters to you.

Most likely, the world is focusing on its own stuff.

In order for your needs to be met and your desires realized, you have to let the world know. You have to actually DO something.

SAY the words.

MAKE the ask.

OFFER something of yourself.

It’s the offer I want to talk about.

By its very definition, an offer is an attempt to give somebody something that they may accept or refuse. The act of making the offer alerts the world that you have something to share.

Making the offer creates the pathway to what you desire.

It allows the “world” to engage with you and help you on your journey.

Don’t have the sparkling social life you desire? Offer your lovely companionship to others. Extend invitations to walk, talk, or share a cup of tea.

Don’t have the support you desire in your life? Offer to help others. Pick up a quart of milk for your neighbor when you run to the grocery store, take a moment to help a mother out by watching her child for an hour, or make an extra portion of lasagne for your single friend who doesn’t cook.

Don’t have the income streams you desire? Offer your ideas, your time, or your labor. Put yourself out there so people can take advantage of your brilliance. Create a product or service you can sell, write up a consulting proposal, or apply for a job.

Simply make the offer.

Let the world know you are up to something.

Sometimes the world won’t want what you are offering. Don’t be deterred. You can change your offer. You can change your people. No worries. Just keep after it.

One day, you’ll make an offer that can’t be refused.

What have you offered lately? What will you offer today?

 *************

In the spirit of spirit of this post, I’m offering a little something to inspire you. Check it out and let me know what you think.  Also, stay tuned for my next offer. (Hint: It will be something designed to help you kick your possibilities into high gear. Learn more here!)

{ 2 comments }

Living Your Own Story

11 comments

in Happiness,Personal Growth

Somewhere, east of the sun and west of the moon, a little girl admires her pale pink tights and soft leather slippers. She adjusts her feathery tutu and says, “I’m going to be a ballerina when I grow up.”

From behind the newspaper, her father distantly responds, “That’s a nice, honey, but wouldn’t you like to be a doctor?”

Somewhere, east of the sun and west of the moon, a teenager hunches over his desk, furiously writing in a battered notebook. As his mother opens the door to announce dinner, he says, “Just a second mom, I’ve almost got this story finished.”

His mother sighs and whispers under her breath, “Quit wasting your time with all of this writing and concentrate on your homework.”

Somewhere, east of the sun and west of the moon, a college student plunges off the path of business and into the heart of art. “I’ve decided to change my major to art because I love it,” she tells her parents.

When they have recovered from their shock, they admonish her and say, “You’ll never make any money. You have to have a real job, something secure.”

These conversations happen every day.

These conversations happened to us.

Although the words represent a fleeting moment and seem insignificant, their impact is not.

Most of us can remember those times when the voices of those we loved most – our parents – did not embrace our dreams. They may have responded to us unthinkingly, out of frustration, or from a sincere desire to be helpful but their messages landed deep within us. And why wouldn’t they? Our parents are the ones who provided us with our entire understanding of the world and how things work.

We trusted they knew what they were talking about.

But, what if they were wrong? What if their authority was flawed in some way?

It’s possible. In fact, it may be likely.

It doesn’t matter what age you are, remnants of that messaging still exist. You may wonder what your parents would think of a particular decision. You may hear the little whispers of parental advice from your childhood that you try to shrug off. Or, you may find that the doubting voice inside your head sounds eerily like your mother or your father.

If so, you may be wise to consider the source of your parents’ perspectives.

Every life has a story, complete with triumphs and wounds, that forms the basis of person’s “come from” or how they show up in the world. Knowing that of your parents, helps you to understand the obstacles you unwittingly trip over as parental messaging rears its head.

Look at your parents’ lives and try to understand their story. What did they value? What motivated them? What experiences – good and bad- helped shape their opinions? What scared them? What made them happy?

Knowing their origins will help you know yours.

In fact, until a son can see his father and a daughter can see her mother as just another woman or just another man who had children and dreams that did or didn’t come true and who struggled with personal demons, he or she does not really grow up, and is unlikely to forgive parents for their misdirections and criticisms. Until we understand someone’s history, we can understand neither that person nor on what they base their own voices of authority. ~ Gregg Levoy, Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life

And once you know, you’ll be able to choose wisely for yourself. After all, you aren’t your mom and you aren’t your dad.

You have your own story to live.

What messages did you get from your parents that you are still struggling with?

 

{ 11 comments }

Different Words

6 comments

in Happiness,Personal Growth

If your best friend just announced the end of her marriage, if your brother just lost his job, if your child just learned she didn’t get the part in the school play, you would offer kind and gentle words of encouragement, wouldn’t you?

Words like:

You are beautiful, kind and courageous. New hopes and dreams are just around the corner. Trust me.

You are brilliant, talented and capable. An even better job is waiting for you. Trust me.

You are gifted, artistic and creative. The right part will find you. Trust me.

But what happens when you summon the courage to share an idea, a dream, a calling? When you put words to that tender thing you hold in your heart?

Words like:

I want to study pastry arts in France.

I dream of taking six months off and writing a book.

I feel called to serve the homeless.

More often than not, the words we hear in response do not offer the encouragement we long for – the encouragement to step into ourselves, seize the opportunity, and brave the risks. Instead, we are offered words to temper our expectations.

Words like:

That would be nice, if you won the lottery.

That would be nice, but it’s not realistic.

That would be nice, but that’s not really you, is it?

Words that chip away at dreams. Words that dampen our confidence in ourselves. Words that make us wonder if we can trust our intuition.

So today, I offer you different words. Kind and gentle words of encouragement.

For the idea.

For the dream.

For the calling.

You are daring, brilliant, talented, capable and courageous. You CAN do it. Trust yourself.

Offer these words today to someone you care about. Someone you know who is nurturing an idea, harboring a dream, or exploring a possibility. Encourage them.

It makes all the difference.

 

{ 6 comments }

Slide into the Gasp

10 comments

in Happiness,Personal Growth

I trudged up the mountainside carrying a little scrap of carpet. As I worked to catch my breath, my mind frantically shouted, “NO. This is crazy. You don’t want to do this. You are wearing a skirt.”

Although some part of me agreed, I managed to ignore the ever-increasingly hysterical voice.

Arriving at the top, I positioned my carpet scrap and gingerly sat on its meager surface. Without giving myself time to think, I pushed off and sailed down. Down, down, down.

On the biggest, longest slide I had ever been on.

As my backside caught air and no longer touched the surface, fear and exhilaration seized me simultaneously. I was flying. I was afraid of crashing. I wanted to keep going. I was having … fun.

That’s when I knew the truth of my situation:  my life become stale.

Musty, fusty, out-of-date. Slightly dull.

Definitely not the life I thought I had and certainly not the one I thought I was crafting.

Just as quickly as it had begun, my ride was over. Gathering my skirt and my carpet scrap, I scrambled off the slide wondering when the last time was that I had really pushed myself to do something new, out-of-the-ordinary, or slightly scary.

I couldn’t remember.

Uh oh.

This week, fellow blogger Tara Mohr was featured on the Today Show sharing her 10 Rules for Brilliant Women. The first rule she mentions?

Do something that makes you gasp.

The suck-in-your breath, feel-it-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach stuff that pushes you outside your normal limits and dislodges you from your routine.

For me, a simple ride down a big long slide generated the gasp factor.

What would get your heart beating? What would give you a thrill? What would make you gasp?

Slide into it. Today.

It beats the hell out of stale.

{ 10 comments }

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